I guess this is the RSD, but I'm really low rn. Someone I thought was a friend has been avoiding me and dodging my suggestions to meet up, and then I saw she blocked me on social media. Honestly feels like I'm back in school drama again and it's stupid but upsetting and triggering.
It really frustrates me because I found out that it's likely because she thinks I was checking up on her (while she travelled alone this summer on the other side of the world) on behalf of her mother who she has issues with. Which is not true. I stayed in touch and asked how she was a few times out of very genuine concern, not to play any stupid spying games I have nothing to do with. I'm so over false accusations and other people's middle school level drama and yet the rejection and incorrectness still stings and goes round and round in my mind. Sorry for the vent.
I know this is uninteresting for most people, and yet I have to put it out there because I'm so devastated.
This person has since revealed she thought I was never her friend, like *not ever*, but rather someone with ulterior motives spending time with her at her mother's request most likely to spy on her. I am friends with her mother, I know her and her mother because I work with her mother, that's no secret. Neither of us are evil though. Like holy shit, even if her mother was and I somehow missed it, I would never agree to pretend to be some lady's daughter's friend to spy on her wtaf.
Now I get that it sounds like paranoia and she may be mentally unwell, but why the actual fuck did she pretend to be my friend if she thought I was spying on her. She was therefore being equally fake in her own mind. Except it was real for me and that's crushing. The last thing she said to me when we saw eachother before she went away, was that I was a truly beautiful person on the inside and out. No one other than my partner has ever said anything so lovely to me and I've thought about it throughout the summer. I now find out she did not at that stage or any stage consider me anything more than a spy and was just "being nice" and saying made up things.
I never thought I'd tell a story about someone thinking I was a spy, holy shit. Nor would I imagine someone thinking I was a spy would hurt this badly. I do feel genuinely awful for her POV if she genuinely thinks that it must suck too but I can't get my head around how she has acted like my friend.
I thought at 22 I'd be better at making friends, maybe this is an ND thing, maybe I'm just personally fucking terrible and that's why it's so easy to believe I'd do something so heartless. But it's getting hard to bear the non stop social failures since childhood.