Fly away, little bird.

I’d been kissed before, drunken mistakes, awkward fumblings. This was nothing like that. It was sure and powerful and like my whole body had just come awake. I could feel my pounding heart, the press of silk against my skin, the strength of his arms around me, one hand buried deep in my hair, the other at my back, pulling me closer. The moment his lips met mine, the connection between us opened and I felt his power flood through me. I could feel how much he wanted me.

As we left the glen, I felt the reality of what had just happened sink into me.

Nikolai leaned back on the railing and studied the balloon tethered above us. At first, I’d assumed it was canvas, but now I thought it might be silk coated with rubber. “Alina…,” he began. I was so unused to seeing Nikolai ill at ease that it took me a moment to realize he was struggling for words. “Alina, the night the palace was attacked, I did come back.”

Was that what was worrying him? That I thought he’d abandoned me? “I never doubted it.”

Do you believe I brought you here to make a fool of you? To make a fool of both of us? Just keep your focus on me, and you’ll be fine.

▶ The Fox and The Sun: Alina Starkov is the crown princess and ruler of the small kingdom of Solisgrad. When time comes, she must agree to a previously arranged marriage with the prince of neighboring Ravka, Nikolai Lantsov.

The insufferable, damnably handsome young prince she couldn’t stand when they were much younger. Things couldn’t be any worse, could they?

It was in that moment, as our banter flowed effortlessly, that I realised I needed to kiss her again. I reached out and brushed the hair back from her face. She froze. I rested my hand in the curve of her neck and waited for her to bolt, to tell me to stop, to say something. When she didn’t, I slid my palm up to cup her cheek. Her lovely, pink cheek. I longed to touch it more than once.

Then she spoke. She… she quoted me. I almost grinned like an idiot.

I moved closer, watching as the light from the meteor shower played over her beautiful face. I leaned in, watching her every move, waiting, giving her time to pull away. I stopped a breath away from her lips and whispered, “I love it when you quote me.” And then I brushed my lips over hers once, briefly, then again. Less of a kiss than the promise of one. It was all I allowed myself in that moment of weakness, so close to her.

“When you’re ready,” I finally said. Then I laced our hands together and let the moment pass so we could watch the stars fall through the sky, as they illuminated the night. I hoped she couldn’t feel my thundering pulse through our linked hands. I wished on a star we would do this again some day. And finish that kiss.

The facts were these: King Nikolai needed peace and quiet to deal with the kingdom’s needs. He couldn’t do it with the Ravkan court trying to auction him off to the best bride they had to offer. And so he made a deal with his friend and former saint: a pretend engagement, if only for a short while. Long enough to get things sorted. Long enough to get the hounds off his back, and maybe leave behind only those truly interested in true, everlasting alliances.

Alina said yes, as a last favour to her friend. It was crazy, but it was also crazy how relentless everyone had been with him. She could easily sacrifice some time away from home to help him out. Except neither had planned for old feelings to gain footholds and grow. Neither had planned for… Love.

   Our walk back to the Little Palace, Nikolai was uncharacteristically silent. When we reached the gardens by the pillared folly, he paused to pluck a leaf from a hedge and said, “I shouldn’t have lost my temper that way. It just pricks his pride, makes him dig in his heels.”    “So why did you?” I asked, genuinely curious. It was rare for Nikolai’s emotions to get the best of him.    “I don’t know,” he said, shredding the leaf. “You got angry. I got angry. The room was too damn hot.”    “I don’t think that’s it.”    “Indigestion?” he offered.    But I wasn’t going to be put off by a joke. Despite Vasily’s objections and the council’s reluctance to do much of anything, through some magical combination of patience and pressure, Nikolai had still managed to push through a few of his plans. He’d gotten them to approve relief for the refugees fleeing the shores of the Fold, and requisitioned Materialki corecloth to outfit key regiments of the First Army. He’d even gotten them to divert funds for a plan to modernize farm equipment so that peasants could manage something other than subsistence. Small things, but improvements that might make all the difference in time.    “It’s because you actually care about what happens to this country,” I said. “The throne is just a prize to Vasily, something he wants to squabble over like a favorite toy. You’re not like that. You’ll make a good king.”    Nikolai froze. “I…” For once, words seemed to have deserted him. Then a crooked, embarrassed smile crept across his face. It was a far cry from his usual self-assured grin. “Thank you,” he said.    I sighed as we resumed our pace. “You’re going to be insufferable now, aren’t you?”    Nikolai laughed. “I’m already insufferable.”

what they gained in power was from their mother, the skills they’d used to get it from their father. but how they’d survived had been each other. just like it always had.

“They wanted a Grisha queen. Mal wanted a commoner queen. And what did I want? Peace for Ravka. A chance to sleep easy in my bed without fear. An end to the guilt and dread that I woke to every morning. There were old wants too, to be loved for who I was, not what I could do, to lie in a meadow with a boy’s arms around me and watch the wind move the clouds.”

for the living and the dead, she would make herself a reckoning. she would rise.

i. perfectly wrong, shawn mendes; ii. it's killing me to love you, vancouver sleep clinic; iii. flesh and bone, black math; iv. saints, echos; v. i run to you, missio; vi. together, the xx; vii. hoax, taylor swift; viii. sunlight, hozier; xi. holiest, glass animals; x. you kill me, paper route. [+more on my spotify]