I'll unalive you

Unaliver it's okay to say kill

No it's not on account of the spell the nefarious wizarder put on me

heh heh heh….

So it is you, wizarder. After all these years. My greatest nemesiser. Why did you do this to me wizarder

unaliver, i simply made you who you are. who you always should have been. i, the wizarder, will wizard and you, the unaliver, will unalive. you could never be anything else

But the two of us could have been something other than the sum of our parts, wizarder. And yet you choose to curse me, wizarder. Because you are scared of commitmenter

maybe we could be something new…if there’a still a chance… i know i’ve done wrong but… i’d unalive to try again… with you, unaliver

My lover......! ah, but no, i simply cannot trust one who would place a curse on me! I long to be in your arms but I simply cannot while I bear the mark of how we parter.

i reverse my nefarious curse, even a nefarious wizard can change his robes…come unaliver, together we can be unalovers…

Ah! Kill!! Kill!! Death!! It's so good to be able to user the common tongue anew....

Now that I have seen that you are serious about your love, I am willing to try and right our wrongs... For I admit i am not blameless in the matter of our squabble either.

as you would say, my lover…

love winners…

String identified: ' a a t' a t a t' t acct t t a a t …. t , a. At a t a. gatt . t t a a, a a. aa a . , t a, a a , t a, a. c atg t t t c a tg t ta t at, a. A t c t c , a. ca a ca ctt a c tg … t’a t a cac… ’ g t… ’ a t t aga… t , a ……! a, t , cat tt ac a c ! g t a t cat a t a at. a c, a a a ca cag …c a, tgt ca a… A! !! !! at!! t' g t a t t c tg a…. tat a tat a at , a g t t a gt g… at a t a t att a t. a a, … …

Closest match: Neoneuromus ignobilis isolate Gutianshan chromosome 7 Common name: Dobsonfly

(image source)

hi its nice to meet you :) (uses my ability to implant memories of us being childhood friends into your subconscious so you already like me) i mean hey its been so long howve you been hows your mom (remembers your mom died when you were very young and i had implanted memories of comforting you at the funeral) uhhh i mean your other mom (implants memories of your dad transitioning)

String identified: t c t t :) ( at t at g c t cc aa ) a t g ( g a a at ctg at t a) a t (at a tatg)

Closest match: Ceraclea dissimilis genome assembly, chromosome: 10 Common name: Long-Horned Caddisfly

(image source)

WHAT THE FUCK

BOOBS PEN?????

boob pen

some of you bitches deserve a nap and a milkshake tbh

um maybe stfu and accept that u are lovable and life owes u a bagel

I don't like bagels

dearest babe the bagel is a metaphor for the baked good of your choice

Why do so many people make tiktoks while they're clearly driving. What the fuck. Stop that shit, you're gonna kill someone.

I think people online treat driving too casually tbh, like there was a poll about people's bad habits while driving and they weren't bad habits or problematic or whatever, they were all things that literally kill people every single day. You are driving a massive vehicle that can very easily turn into a murder weapon with your carelessness, take this shit seriously.

"Haha I never use my turn signals" you are going to kill someone.

"I don't do full stops at stop signs lol" you are going to kill someone.

"Sometimes I text while I'm driving 🤭" YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE.

Also people who speed up or suddenly stop or swerve a lot to freak out someone in the car for fun: it stops being funny when you get into a car accident because of it. Just so you know.

👹 beanstalkbarry Follow

MISINFORMATION!

3 BIG NOTES

"Absolutely no one comes to save us but us."

Ismatu Gwendolyn, "you've been traumatized into hating reading (and it makes you easier to oppress)", from Threadings, on Substack [ID'd]

HEY wanna read but annoyed on where to find copies of books?

Here's an archive with millions of PDFs of books and papers and magazines and essays and stuff.

I've been looking for such archives, thanks

book from the sky (tianshu) xu bing, 1989-91

I was so excited to see a copy of this in real life bc it's something I studied in art history. this is a book that was typeset and printed by hand using wooden blocks but every one of the characters was invented for the sake of the piece and does not correspond to any word in the Chinese language

yes. he invented and hand carved 4000 characters. it is a CRAZY project that resulted in an intentionally unreadable book. I love it

Xu Bing you're legendary to me !!!!

Knitting, 2021 - by Joseph Ford, English

this is one of a [series] and they're all fantastic

joseph ford is the photographer and the knitter who made the pieces is nina dodd (ninadoddknits.com)

the best fanfic is the one the author had fun writing actually.

the second best is the one the author used to work through some issues.

just overheard my wife spelling something on the phone and i shit you not saying the words “E as in Eeyore” i am on my hands and knees wailing screaming crying pleading and begging people to learn the NATO phonetic alphabet

like the reason this exists is because none of the words sound like each other, which means that even with a terrible signal both parties should be able to clearly understand the words being spelled

i am dead serious that i believe this should be taught in school

Me in a Starbucks: It's Mike-India-Kilo-Echo

The Barista: Order for your Kindy Achillo-Hecko sir

I think movies need more sex and i also think that actors need to be uglier and less in shape

Do you hate children yes or no

Yes

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

Sponge Activity: Handwrite translations of at least 20 of the Variations of the "Feel Old Yet" meme. You may use a reference dictionary but not a translator. You are not required to translate the bold orange text, only the black and pink.

Scientific fraud is the most baffling thing ever to me like do they think they're just going to make a huge breakthrough and no one will notice that it's fake by trying to replicate their results

Yeah actually I just discovered how to turn plastic into gold. Oh you want to know how I did it

Starts running away cutely

Please. Help.

The girl I'm dating and I both think that we sleep on the left side of the bed. I'm coming to terms with the fact that she may be a psychopath and I don't know what's real anymore.

"left" and "right" are both relative terms determined relative to a person. The correct answers are port and starboard.

the headboard is the stern

Yeah this one seems pretty straightforward. I'm sure there's some exceptions, but every depiction I can think of, including IRL race car beds, agrees.

i spent too long on this and regret nothing

Nor should you, this is glorious