Ace of Course

I see a bunch of posts saying if your asexuality or aromanticism is caused or influenced by trauma or mental illness or neurodiversity or something, it’s still valid.

I see a lot of posts saying asexuality isn’t something that needs to be cured, that a-spec people aren’t broken and don’t need to be fixed. That people are naturally born this way.

I also see a ton of posts telling everyone it’s ok if their labels change, that sexuality is fluid and identifying as something different before or after or now doesn’t invalidate the person’s orientation at any point. That if it’s useful for the person now, they can use it.

But I don’t see a lot of posts, actually basically none, that actually address the point where those things intersect.

If your asexuality or aromanticism is caused or influenced by something, your orientation is valid, and it doesn’t mean you couldn’t have been a-spec without it. Maybe you were born this way, maybe you were made this way, but no matter how you got here, you are still a wonderful valid person.

You are not broken if you do not feel you are.

It is also completely OK for you to feel like you are.

If you feel your orientation is something that is only temporary, because of mental illness or trauma, and you had labels you identified as before and want to identify as them again, you are so valid.

It is ok for you to think something broke and for you to want to repair or mend it. If you have a bowl because the top part of a clay vase broke, it’s ok to want a vase again. Kintsukuroi creates beautiful art out of broken pottery people mended.

It is also so ok for you to feel like some part of you is broken, and to want to let it remain that way. You don’t have to fix it. People make mosaics out of broken glass, and they are far more beautiful than the beer bottles they came from.

It’s also ok to not know how you feel about it. To feel like some days there is nothing wrong with you and other days to feel that part of you is just shattered shards of something else.

No matter what, you are valid and your experiences and feelings about your orientation are valid.

Being nonbinary and/or trans can be really hard when people are constantly denying you your identity.

I’m here to remind you that those people are wrong.

Only you can be right about your identity, it is real, you are valid, and you are loved and accepted.

Don’t give up. Things will get better!

And if anyone needs to talk to me, I’m always open. 🌈

support asexuals

nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns or words to refer to themselves if they want to and they’re still nonbinary and still great

Fact: Every bisexual person is bi enough.

Aromantics who are affectionate are valid.

Aromantics who are in a relationship are valid.

Aromantics who experience attraction are valid.

Aromantics who enjoy romantic movies are valid.

Aromantics are valid.

If you are demisexual you are valid sorry I don’t make the rules

If you are asexual you are valid sorry I don’t make the rules.

Actually

I’m not sorry :/

some people on the aromantic spectrum want to and do date people. some people never date anyone. some people on the aromantic spectrum never feel romantic attraction. some people might under certain circumstances. some aromantic people enjoy sex. some people dont. all these people are valid

It’s okay to be confused! It’s okay to not understand the difference between the different types of attraction! It’s okay to question whether or not you feel attraction! If you want to identify as asexual, you’re asexual! Even if you’re still confused about it!

casual reminder that you are allowed to use as many or as few labels as you want to: you don’t have to use any labels you don’t want to use, even if you fit the definition perfectly, and you can use labels even if you don’t fit the definition perfectly. how you identify is your own personal choice, and it’s up to you to decide whether certain words are comfortable or useful to you and whether or not you want to use them.

and while sometimes internalized shit can play a role in identifying or not identifying with certain labels, it’s no one’s place to tell you that you are automatically dealing with internalized shit, or to impose their presumptions about what your reasons for identifying or not identifying with certain language might be upon you. anyone who says that restricting your choices in language or ability to label yourself in ways that are comfortable and make sense to you is “for your own good” or “to support you in getting through internalized shit” is wrong.

and even while working through internalized shit, even if your identity word(s) might change in the future as you learn more about yourself, you don’t have to be 1000% sure about your experiences and identity and who you are in order to use or not use certain labels. you are absolutely 10000% allowed to use as many or as few labels as you want, in the ways that are most comfortable and useful to you. and i hope that everyone is able to find a way to refer to themselves that feels most comfortable and useful to them! lots of love to each and every one of you!

asexuality, like any other sexuality, is not a definite sexuality set in stone. We are human, we each live differently, view the world differently, and interact with the world, ourselves, and others differently.

If the label doesn’t exactly fit you word for word, but you feel comfortable identifying as ace, then identify as ace.

labels do not exist to confine us, they exist to put a word to an experience.

Identifying as demisexual says nothing about your sex life. You can never have sex and be demisexual. You can have sex with people you’re not in a relationship with or have a strong bond with, or have sex often and still be demisexual.

Demisexuality only describes under what circumstances you experience sexual attraction. It says nothing about behaviour.

Just wanted to let you all know you’re valid. Aro? Valid. Ace? Valid. Grey-spec? Valid. Demi? So valid. You’re all valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

✨you’re all beautiful, ily ✨