this is a safe and slightly humorous space for aces but also aros and others. no disk horse here. really invested in ace-thetics. I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm a nonbinary asexual. theme by drxgonfly. main blog my-fanaticdomain. tired.
I identify as aego but i was wondering is it possible to be both aegosexual and probably a bit fictosexual as well? Like there are actors/actresses I would consider to be attractive but then a lot of the time it's the character they're portraying I'm attracted to and while I'm attracted to some characters they play I'm not others. By attracted to I mean I find them aesthetically pleasing while having absolutely no desire to do anything sexual with them. I can't read fics about the actors or real people though because it just makes me uncomfortable however I do get turned on from other content I just again have absolutely no desire to be the one engaging in those activities and the thought of actually engaging in it irl makes me extremely uncomfortable. Sorry if this is confusing I wasn't really sure how to word it
Love, words are made up. Do you find it useful to describe yourself as fictosexual? Then do so. Word police aren't real. If someone tries to bully you about it on the internet, block them, and irl disagreeing about a definition just ends up seeming petty to most people.
I identify as asexual. I am occasionally sexually attracted to fictional characters or abstract people like celebrities. This is more because I have a high libido than actual desire to do anything sexual with real people. I am alternately disgusted or turned on by fictional content in unpredictable ways (although I avoid fics about real people for moral reasons).
Every remotely prominent ace blog I've followed has gotten a slew of asks almost exactly like yours. Your experiences are real, and valid, and more common than you might have realized. If you dig into the asexual community you'll find plenty of similar stuff regardless of whether they also use aegosexual or fictosexual labels.
Okay so I’m pretty sure that I’m aro ace but my problem is that everyone says I’m too young to know . . . I’m 13. The thing is, I don’t ever WANT to experience attraction. Is there any way to know? I only have one friend supportive of my coming out, everyone else said I would change my mind.
Honey I was 12 when I figured out I was ace, and that's held on strong all the way into my adulthood. I absolutely think that right now is the time you'll start to notice these things because your peers are growing into their sexualities and it sounds like you are... not. I'm honestly impressed that you noticed this early! Figuring out that something isn't there is much harder than figuring out what is! *squints side eyed at my romantic attraction* Unfortunately, at this age people seem to really like pretending they know better than you so they don't have to listen to what you have to say. That's tough. That's life. There are two things I did to get through it: 1. Find people who are supportive and who do understand and turn to them when things get rough. 2. Remember that even if you do change your mind, that's okay, and it doesn't make them "right" it just makes them obnoxious.
You know yourself best. You know what is right for you best. If you think you're aro ace, then you are, and the people in your life should be supportive of that.
oh, forgot to mention - thank you for reblogging the doughnut post, it was very helpful! however outside of the metaphor i love doughnuts so it just made me hungry lol 🍩
Lol donuts are delicious that's why the metaphor works 🍩
hey, im the anon that asked how to know if youre ace, and i just wanted to thank you so much for your answer. it meant so much to me and it really helped me to figure out how i was feeling, and made me feel like i wasnt "weird" or alone in my confusion. thank you for taking the time to answer my questions seriously and to listen to my concerns. im pretty sure that im ace now, so thank you so much for being so kind as to help me realise that 🖤🤍💜
Welcome to the community! I'm glad my answer could help you 💛🌻💛
hey im not sure if you answer questions like this and this might be kinda personal, but i think i might be ace, but im not sure, so like how do you know? i have trouble figuring out my emotions so im never certain what im feeling, but ive never really wanted to sleep with anyone in particular and most of the time i find the idea of sex pretty icky. but sometimes i think that maybe id like it if i tried it, but i dont really have the urge to do so. 1/2
i keep reading about sex drives n stuff but im not even sure what a sex drive is supposed to feel like, so im not sure if i even have one. idk, im just a little confused and i guess that if i start identifying as ace some part of me will think im faking it cos i dont know if im sure. i know this is a lot to ask so feel free to ignore this if you want, but i just wanna know, how do you know for sure if youre ace? 2/2
Whoo boy! For starters, these are totally normal worries and questions, and I'm super proud of you for reaching out. I know this can be tough, but trust me, you will figure it out.
The definition of asexual is: does not experience sexual attraction. To me it was super simple: you don't want to have sex with anybody? You don't even want to think about other people sexually? Congrats! You're ace! Now, this experience is not the same for everyone, but generally speaking if you don't look at other people and (comfortably!) think about what sex with them might be like, asexual can be a really useful label for you. It expresses a disinterest with something most people are expected to be interested in. (And honestly, while allos can get really confused or defensive about this, do you think sexy stuff would be so prevalent in our culture if it wasn't the assumed normal?)
It can be confusing to identify a lack of something. It took me a long time to figure out what sexual attraction is, and honestly, I still don't completely get it. There was a long time where I thought maybe I was attracted to EVERYBODY because their appearance had literally no bearing on how I felt about them. Eventually I reached out to a trusted friend, who was pansexual (and defined it as attraction where gender is not a factor), and he explained that if I was experiencing attraction I should probably feel differently about different sorts of people.
As for sex drive! That's specifically your desire to, putting it crudely, get off. Orgasm. You know. Your body can have different opinions on it than your brain. Like, tmi warning, but I am asexual and sex repulsed and I still masturbate from time to time. It happens. You can probably figure out if you've got one by paying attention to how the purely physical stuff makes you feel. I would definitely recommend doing some research on AVEN and Scarletteen here, but this is something you might never be able to be sure about, and that's okay. It wouldn't invalidate you as an ace.
Phew. Okay, finally, sex isn't something you have to try just to see, and not trying or trying and then liking it wouldn't make you a fake asexual. It all comes down to whether or not the label is useful to you. For me, it opened up a whole community of people who experience similar things to what I do, and who intrinsically understand things I struggle to explain. It let me know I wasn't broken. It gave me a shorthand to explain myself to other people. It taught me to accept who I am. The questioning process can be ongoing, but whether or not I decide I'm actually something else in the future doesn't change the benefit I got from identifying as asexual. You don't have to know for sure. You can still call yourself ace. And if anybody challenges you on that, let me know, I'll fight 'em!!!
As a final note, if anybody wants to clown on this post, they're getting blocked. I recognize that these are my subjective opinions. I understand the instinct to correct me. I welcome constructive criticism, but I refuse to tolerate hateful engagement. Thank you.
Hi I'm a bisexual woman with an asexual girlfriend and I need some ace advise. At the beginning of our relationship we did some sex things but soon stopped bc she was disinterested. I recently was asking her if I had ever pushed her into something she didn't want. She said that she had wanted to want sex, and that's why she had went along with it, and that she really hated her sexuality for not wanting it. This is heart breaking for me, bc I want her to be proud of who she is. How do I help her?
Hi! First of all you sound like an amazing girlfriend so kudos to you for reaching out. Sadly this is one of those things she has to figure out on her own, and all you can do is support her. Remind her that she is not broken! It's honestly one of the most difficult things to come to terms with as an ace. But if the significant other in her life can reassure her that it's okay not to want sex, that she is valid and loved, it can truly help a great deal.
Also! I'm sure you are well meaning, but remember it's okay not to be proud of yourself! It's okay to be angry or upset that you are a certain way! Sometimes that is part of the healing process that leads to being alright with yourself. Sometimes you can never get far enough to be proud. That's alright.
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