Jack

Addiction, you say? That’s what a good vampire bite does to you. Now tell me, if you enjoy my blog, why would you unfollow in the first place? Seems like you’re just torturing yourself, dear.

AHHUUHGGG!!!! MY WOUNDED BODY!! AHH!!!!

(Revenge evil boop 🐾!)

If they’re with someone, I definitely wouldn’t make my feelings known if I were you. That will just make things awkward for both of you. I would try to get some space from them if I felt like my feelings were becoming too much to handle.

It’s hard to fall for someone who is already with someone else. But if you really care about them as a friend, you wouldn’t want to hurt them or their relationship. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but I hope you can do the right thing.

Thank you, anon. My inbox/dms are always open

36: “Are you an open book or do you have walls up?”:

Walls. Walls upon walls upon walls. I wish it were otherwise, but unfortunately, after everything I’ve been through, I cannot be any other way. It’s a protective barrier that keeps me safe. But it also keeps me lonely. Unfortunately I think that’s just how I am.

-thank you anon:)

⚠️ TW for brief reference to sh. & Dissociation.

29: “what do you do when you’re sad?”

Technically I already answered this, but I can elaborate a little bit. It really depends what I’m sad about. If it’s about myself (grades, body, mental health), I get really self critical and depressed. Suddenly my brain says what’s the point and reverts back to old, self destructive tendencies and thoughts. I have struggled with my mental health since I was ~13, and I had bad habits back then. If you know what I mean. Those habits followed me into adulthood, and so sometimes they tempt me again, but I really try to avoid it. (138 days since!) Although now I have newer bad habits too. It’s a constant battle.

If I’m sad about something external (death), then I just get quiet and retreat into myself. Strangely, also, I clean. I clean anything I can as a way to distract myself and I think to try to get control over a situation.

Side note, it’s hard for me to “feel” sad because of my dissociation (I know that’s confusing). But what I mean is that sad emotions just push me deeper into dissociation, so sometimes it feels like nothing but also heavy and painful. I’m not sure if that even makes sense.

Thank you, anon! :)

13: “what are you doing right now?”:

Avoiding finishing my large assignment! It’s due today!

37: “Share a secret”:

I already did, but I can do another. ;) A secret about me is that… I have had multiple crushes on my professors before. (Nothing ever happened, obviously, but it’s still embarrassing to think about). Especially since I wrote POEMS about some of them (they were great poems if you forget who they’re about, I think)

(Thank you, anon~ :) )

15: “What do you think of when you hear the word ‘home’?”:

Answered :)

26: “Favorite color and why?”:

This is hard—I feel like it changes regularly. Usually, though, it’s green. I love nature, the forest, and deep, calm greens. (Or blue is the other usual contender)

28: “What do you do when you’re sad?”:

Usually I self destruct, which isn’t good, I know. I shut down or get very pessimistic and depressed. Usually I won’t eat or talk to people for a while.

38: “Favorite song at the moment?”:

Perhaps “Sweet Heat Lightning” by Gregory Alan Isakov

(Thank you for asking :))

1: “What are three things you’d say shaped you into who you are?”:

* my childhood

* Uni

* my love of literature

5: “What made you start your blog?”:

answered :)

15: “What do you think of when you hear the word ‘home’?”:

This is a hard one. I think of my house, but I also think of my friends, and one person, and my dog, and my bed, and sleeping, and a good cup of coffee. This word is apparently very abstract for me.

17: “Name three things that make you happy”:

* my friends

* my dog

* reading and writing

37: “Share a secret”:

Hmmm… I fall in love very easily, and usually with multiple people at once.

(Thank you, anon!:))

Of course you are:)

5: “what made you start your blog?”:

I started posting to share my love of literature, academia, vampires, and autumn. It felt like Pintrest but more community driven:) I like pretty things, so arranging aesthetic moodboards and sharing literature quotes was right up my alley.

20: “favorite thing about the night?”:

The moon, the stars, the silence.

40: “any bad habits?”:

Many. For this, I will say that I am addicted to coffee.

Thank you, anon <3

You are also a human. Humans are often these things.

Don’t blame yourself, just try to better yourself. Blame gets you nowhere—admission and change is the main thing that can help you.

Awww, thank you so much. You’re very sweet. :)

And I can relate to you. I recall countless times when someone in my classes said something brilliant, and I got really quiet. I don’t mean to shut down, but sometimes I do.

One of my toxic traits is that I love being smart. I try to be the most intelligent person in the room (besides my professor), and clearly, that will never happen anyway, because “smartness” ranges and is not objective. Again, that’s why it’s my toxic trait.

Nevertheless, when I hear knowledgeable conversations around me, I start to sink into myself. Even though I know I am smart, I feel like I missed something sometimes. It's almost like I missed the joke that everyone else is laughing about.

I think what you’re feeling is normal. I’m sure a lot of people can attest to feeling this way. You’re right—philosophy is a male-dominated major. But that doesn’t make you any less knowledgeable on the subject.

Also, read this with context, but remember that people probably aren’t thinking about you that much. It helps me to remember this. If I say something dumb in class, or if I’m quiet the whole class, the only one who will remember that for longer than 45 seconds is me. And I don’t think anyone will believe you aren’t smart enough. Because… what aren’t you smart enough for? You’re studying at university. Is there a set level of smartness that everyone needs to achieve? How smart is smart enough?

Your capability for knowledge and intelligence is your own. No one else can measure it.

Knowledge is something to acquire; you’re right. Learning and coming to your own conclusions is a magnificent experience. Don’t let anyone try to diminish your love of philosophy, and don’t let anyone try to diminish your hunger for knowledge.

You are smart enough. You are right where you need to be.

I would never want to experience a lot of things, haha. But one thing that hurts the most is seeing the people I care about getting hurt. I hate how they come to me with tears in their eyes, and I can’t do much to help them except try to comfort them.

One thing that scares me the most is that I’ll end my life feeling like I never lived; I squandered my talent and potential—my opportunities for love—and ended up as a shell of what I could’ve been.

I apologize for taking so long to respond to this. I had a busy weekend traveling and wanted to think about how to respond. This is very complicated.

Firstly, I’d like to say that I’m proud of you—proud of you for helping, learning sign, and keeping a good attitude. I also think it’s admirable that you stayed with your partner. I’m not saying that people should just leave if something like that happens to their partner, but at the same time, many people might.

This has clearly been an adjustment for both of you. It’s not going to be easy—you already know that. But your patience is commendable.

I don’t think you’re being selfish. If anything, you’re being selfless—sacrificing your time and life to help someone you love. It’s okay to get irritated sometimes because you’re a human, and it’s natural.

Of course, this is all new for your partner, too. They are probably scared and worried about their future. I know I would be. But you’re being a pillar in their life. Of course, they don’t get permission to treat you poorly.

My advice to you is to find someone to talk to. Maybe a support group with people going through something similar. Or find some close friends and family to whom you can speak. I’m sure they will help you. And don’t feel guilty for seeking their help—you’re not Atlas; you don’t have to hold up the sky alone.

I hope this helps.

Well I dissociate perpetually anyway, but looking into mirrors makes me dissociate even more. I can’t quite grasp the idea that my reflection is me. Otherwise, sometimes I flex (it’s bad).

No, that’s totally reasonable, haha! Do you have any specific questions you want to ask? I think it would be easier for me to answer that way.

HAHAHAHAH, thank you. My 21-year-old wizard ass is very pseudo-wise. I’m just channeling my inner wizard, I think. I just take the confessions and questions very seriously and try to respond as best as I can—offering advice and comfort where I can.