#safe to reblog – @abluescarfonwaston on Tumblr

At this point all i want is to become a forest ranger, sit up in a watchtower and not deal with my problems.

#safe to reblog #if you want i guess #...#i wonder how hard it is to get that job #i'm just so tired #and i don't want to deal #actually i'm wide awake #but like i'm so done #i'm gonna have to retake almost all of these classes for sure #and that's gonna cost more money #and i just want to sleep and listen to bird and pretend that everythings fine #someone let me live out firewatch #im so exausted #save me

abluescarfonwaston

Me after falling into a shipping hole: Gods i want a relationship like this. I wish i could find that.

me after spending 1 hour with another person: NOPE NEVER-MIND. ILL JUST GET A CAT THANKS.

#aro/ace problems #this isn't about anyone #but me #i just fell into a ship hell #and that makes me want that #but i... don't also?#sounds like a lot of work #and i don't feel that strong about anyone #i can barely imagine it #safe to reblog #if you want for some reason #can't imagine why you would #well i mean i can imagine #it just seems unlikely

abluescarfonwaston

Me: huh i’m not feeling that stressed out about finals. That’s nice!

My brain: If your not scared your not paying attention.

#my gpa is going down #but only a little #and my major gpa should go up #which isn't terrible given i spent 4 weeks asleep sick as hell #safe to reblog #if you want #probably not relatable tho #gods i'm tired

abluescarfonwaston

Me yelling at tv characters: IF YOU JUST TALKED TO EACH OTHER THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED

Me: remembers that i procrastinate important conversations sometimes for years even though they are important and neccesary to my mental and my relationships health just to avoid confrontation.

Me: adds to reasons i could never be in a relationship with anyone

#platonic or otherwise #safe to reblog #ugh #Mira #my parents #my sisters #teachers when i'm struggling in class #i suck #for so many reasons #these are just on me really #like 'i need you to reach out to me and show me that i'm important to you #by messaging me or playing games with me or something'#i need you to use male pronouns #i need you to not call me your sister #i can't be excited about your wedding not because i'm not happy for you #but because i'm terrified you'll ask me to wear a dress #-luckily she isn't going to #but i stressed about that for a month #and refused to ask #out of fear that she'd say You have to #and its her wedding right #i'm not allowed to say no #that's how katies was #i know you hate the dress with the GAPPING hole in the back #but everyone else loves it so SMILE FOR YOUR SISTER #NOT GOOD ENOUGH #ITS HER WEDDING DAY AND YOUR TRYING TO RUIN IT #part of that may have been the anxiety #and the grade school abuse making me hyper aware of everyone #fuck me man

abluescarfonwaston

Let’s play the ‘is my shitty productivity a result of my mental illnesses or do i just use my mental illnesses to excuse my lazy behavior’ game.

#personal #safe to reblog #god damn it #i need to stop acting like this #i've had ALL FUCKING WEEK to write this essay #and literally NOTHING ELSE #and i still have not written one god damn word #i don't know man #sometimes it feels like i'm just using my depression #and shit #to excuse my shitty avoidance behavior #EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I'd be better if i just got it done #like oh its done #you can go party all week #but NO #I'm just letting it grow bigger and bigger #until it fuckin crushes me #cause i don't have motivation #or is that just an excuse i'm making to be a lazy asshole!#I DON'T FUCKING KNOW AND IT PISSES ME OFF #i know it's probably both #the essay's not due til monday morning #but still #fuck me man #i hate myself for doing this #why can't i just fucking do the thing on time like i know i should #why am i fucking like this #i wish i loved myself enough to stop #but i don't so fuck me