Lucy

they’ve been working on a fucking prank on me since april i’m so goddamn indignant

tell them what the prank was, clare

so for fucking months now we’ve been saying we were going to watch Blade, because i’d never seen it, but somebody was always too tired or too busy, but tonight we decided fuck it, tomorrow’s ciaran’s friday, let’s watch Blade

the first 40 minutes or so pass with many a delighted exclamation. stan lee was credited & i’m told blade was a marvel property, which is news to me. i’m thoroughly enjoying myself. the cop familiar gets the shit beat out of him & tells blade to check the fridge. the wind roars as the scene transition fades to black.

in fades a helicopter. a man with long dark hair on crutches emerges from it. i do not immediately recognize the man, but from the crutches & the hair i immediately go “morbius??”

they assure me he isn’t morbius. i accept that they don’t want to admit he’s morbius for some reason (maybe they just don’t want me to think blade is in the mcu?) as the entirety of michael morbius’s backstory plays out on screen.

i repeatedly ask “okay but this is literally morbius right” and “why are you doing this” as it becomes increasingly clear that we are now, somehow, watching Morbius (2022). everyone continues to insist it’s Blade (1999) until finally i ask “how long were you planning this” and logan says “you wanna know how long” and gives me a screenshot

fucking months of me genuinely wanting to watch the movie Blade (1999) with my friends and they goddamn Blorbius me. I got Blorbiused.

forgot to add this last night, but here’s what the experience was like from the other side, taken from some messages i sent to a pal while it was happening:

my friend @sunshades​​ just finished chapter 28 and says silas talks like a redditor/human pet guy so… i made this

painfully true

Happy Valentines Day to this girl, her boyfriend, and Dimitri Fireemblem

You guys, the funniest fucking thing just happened. A group of creators made a crypto currency based off of squid games. The catch was you could buy it, but you COULD NOT sell it. Multiple sources warned it was a scam, citing multiple spelling errors on a hastily put up website that has now vanished. Despite this, $2,000,000 of the currency was bought by crypto traders before the creators pulled the plug and ran with the earnings. Now a whole bunch of crypto bros are crying out about the “fake” currency and lack of regulation which is the selling point of crypto. Paired with the critique of capitalism that is Squid Games it literally couldn’t get more poetic 😂

"stole" no honey you invested and your investment didn't work out :)

maybe they shouldn't have had so much money if they didn't wanna get robbed

How was it being based on squid game not enough of a red flag on its own

I am looking very respectfully

when john darnielle wrote “this is why people cry at the movies: because everybody’s doomed. no one in a movie can help themselves in any way. their fate has already staked its claim on them from the moment they appear onscreen.”    

no children mountain goats.

Consider: vampire girlfriends who do each others’ makeup because they can’t see their own reflections

The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.

Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion - first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.

So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.

In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.

And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.

I didn’t find details on the exact date, but some cross-googling suggests the festival occured around the start of the Nile flood season, which is in mid-July.

Anyone got a more precise date?

Well, the traditional beginning of the flood season varies from year to year based on the first rise of the star Sirius before sunrise, and also marks the beginning of the ancient Egyptian new year. The Festival of Drunkenness would be held about 20 days after that.

Sirius’ rise - which varies around the world based on longitude, but basing it on Egypt for consistency’s sake - happens on the 24th of July in 2018.

So if you want to get smashed on behalf of an angry cat, the 13th of August is the day to mark down.

Today’s the day fuckers, get smashed on behalf of a cat.

I am Upset that I was not informed of this in time, so I am scheduling this post for next summer so we can plan properly next time

Thanks for the reminder.

This year the ancient new year is roughly the 2nd of August in Cairo.

Therefore Turbosmash For Angry Cat Day 2019 is the 22nd of August

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nail polish is goblincore bc you can make your fingernails colorful and sparkly and also you can hoard the bottles which are colorful and make good clacking sounds

sometimes you’re that bitch listening to Landslide and just going through it