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#this hurts – @84hotpockets on Tumblr
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Sometimes... the day just ends.

@84hotpockets / 84hotpockets.tumblr.com

Since I've run headlong into the CM fandom once again I've made this sideblog for all my CM and especially SSA Hotchner needs. Blog name inspired by Much_depressed's fic Found Family. My main blog is unionjackpillow.
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whump-town

Thanksgiving

just a short little Hotch and Haley (& Jessica) thing

“How’s Aaron?”

She can see him from here, listening to her father speak with that look in his eyes he gets any time he’s near Roy. It makes her throat tighten, her face flush. He’ll swear it’s better this way for him, that his father’s death was a relief and it’s too painful to see his mother. Not when she looks at him like he’s still five, his little fingers clutching her sundress. Not when he can never forget the nights she left him alone in that house. Not when he can still hear his own screams bouncing off the walls. Feel the chill of her breaking eye contact, the moment she decided it was just easier to let him go. He wakes up in the middle of the night still and has to sleep on the floor -- he spent seventeen years squeezed underneath his bed and it’s hard to shake that fear. He hasn’t spoken to Sean in months, not since Aaron had to pay his bail. He didn’t even tell Haley, he was gone for three days. Just long enough time to get Sean home and clean for a few hours.

Then he comes here. He rolls up his sleeves and stands beside her mother while she’s cooking, waiting for her to tell him what to do. He pulls down into himself like a little boy, still towering over her mother. Roy breaks out some fancy dark liquor and makes Aaron have a drink with him and after three fingers Aaron relaxes enough to let Roy get close to him. To settle an arm around his shoulders or just touch his arm in conversation. Jessica will roughhouse. Get them both into trouble being loud and her mother will come in and demand Jessica “leave that poor boy alone, Jessica Brooks. I don’t know why you have to be so mean to him.” And Jessica will wrap her arm around Aaron’s neck to drag him down to her height so she can mess with his hair until Roy finally calls an end to her merciless teasing.

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hotchley

when death finally comes

Surprise lovelies!!
I had the sudden urge to kill Hotch, so here we are. I killed him. It’s not happy at all and there is no comfort and I kinda hate it and I’m not sure most of it makes sense, but I wrote it and I am proud of it, so now I’m subjecting all of you to it :)
A special thank you to @whump-town for encouraging my writing and saying that killing Hotch kinda cleans your palate. I will hold onto that information.
Trigger Warnings: major character death, blood, child abuse, implied suicidal thoughts

In the end, it is not merciful. 

It is not expected or beautiful. 

It is not poetic. Nor is it peaceful. 

It is not what he deserved.

Because what he deserved was old age. 

A hospital, where the lights would convince him of a better future. Where he knew what was coming and could prepare his final words and one last smile, if only to comfort the family that would definitely be stood until the last possible moment.

He deserved a care home, so Jack would not ever have to associate the apartment with the feeling of death. He deserved a care home, because it would imply that Jack was older and had his own family. It would mean that Haley’s life could be celebrated with a smile that was more accepting than sad.

He deserved Virginia, the only home he had ever known. Because when Haley exploded into his life in a flurry of costumes and dances that he could never quite master, that place became his home. Her embrace felt like the love he had never received.

And even when her embrace morphed into avoidance and hesitance, she had been home. The only person that could see him human. When she died at the hands of a serial killer, he thought that was it. He thought he would never recover. But he did, and Virginia started to warm again as the team started to find reasons to see him and Jack.

He deserved love, safety. He deserved a long life that he would be proud of. He deserved to see Jack’s college graduation, Henry’s highschool graduation, Penelope’s daughter, Spencer’s wedding. He deserved to witness everything that just wouldn’t be the same without him before he was laid down to rest one final time. 

He deserved to be held.

He deserved so much more. He always had. But happy endings were not made for people like him. 

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