It's been refreshing to not just enjoy something but be a full blown fan. Which is either a distinction you get or you don't. But either way it's been fun even if it does activate some level on anxiety in me. I'm pretty good at letting myself enjoy things but being a fan is different and it's been harder for me. And I know why, I can point very directly at the things that happened that made it so hard for me to be explicitly into things (especially vtubers)
I guess what I'm trying to embrace is that being a fan is going to be putting your heart on a wire. There's a chance you're gonna get mocked or somethings going to happen that tears you to shreds, but you're not a bad person or stupid for not seeing that coming.
(Honestly nothing drives me crazier than someone getting outed as shitty and everyone acting like they always knew and it was so obvious, like if that was true how would they have victims? Unless you're insinuating the victims are unobservant idiots? Thats a different rant ANYWAY)
It's not wrong to want to have fun enjoyable experiences or to look up to someone or to get a little too attached to things. I'd say it's even good for you to have things you can be "too much" about. And it's also okay if those things don't work out.
idk how I want to wrap this up completely, I guess I'm just saying that I'd rather be over invested and ripped to shreds if things go wrong than continue to keep my interests at a distance, saving me from ever feeling bad but also from ever feeling that good either.
