Alienated pt 2
Jake Sully x Daughter reader, featuring brotherly Neteyam this time :)
angst angst ANGST
trigger warning: mentions of drowning
2862 word count
Jake became more hyper-aware of your detachment, of the fogginess clouding your eyes. He woke you up every morning for breakfast, despite Neytiri insisting that he let you rest, smoothing back your hair.
"Hey there, baby girl, it's time to get up," he whispered, leaving soft kisses on your forehead.
You groaned, trying to push against your father's chest, but your advances were weak, still weighted with exhaustion. "A little longer..."
Jake caught the hand trying to shoo him away and kissed the palm. "You have to eat."
I'm not hungry, you tried to mumble as strong arms wrapped around your back, sitting you upright.
Lo'ak rolled his eyes, chewing loudly. "You coddle her more than Tuk."
Neytiri's glare was icy. "Leave your sister alone."
Food began to lose its taste, its texture. Berries were mush in your mouth, sticking to your teeth. It was a robotic routine every morning; open mouth, chew the berries, swallow the mush.
Jake, who monitored your every bite, failed to notice as you snuck your leftovers to Tuk, who devoured them hungrily.
It became harder to keep up with your brothers. They were fitting in so easily, so seamlessly, splashing around in the water while your toes still curled into the shore's sand.
Neteyam caught your eye, smiling breathlessly. "C'mon, little sister!"
Lo'ak took Neteyam's distraction as an opportunity to tackle him underwater. More splashing and shouting. They had not a care in the world.
You watched longingly from afar, breath shallow.
Everybody adored Neteyam, the prodigy, the good son. He was polite, charming. Lo'ak had charisma on his side, however reckless he might be. You didn't understand what Tsireya saw in him.
But you were still the demon. The traitor to her people. Your slender hands were a pitting reminder of the humans threatening to eradicate the Navi. You were the closest thing the Metkayina had for someone to blame.
You tried to ignore their whispers, jeers, and stares, but they haunted you. And even though you weren't responsible, even though your hands were bloodless, the shame was insurmountable.
You dreamed of their hatred, of war, of death. Their faces were twisted, vengeful.
You woke up gasping, eyes slicing open, shooting upright.
It was dark out, the moon casting an eerie glow.
You flinched when a cold hand grazed your arm.
Neteyam, still groggy with sleep, was gazing up at you from where he lay. He frowned, then stilled, a realization dawning. Neteyam sat up quickly, the blankets slipping down his chest. "What is wrong?"
"Nothing," you dismissed.
He gripped your shoulders, holding you steady. "You are breathing fast."
You hadn't realized it, but you were. Instantly, you masked your panic, replacing it with composure. Though, beneath your chest, your heart was frantically racing with the recollection of your nightmare.
Neteyam inspected you thoroughly. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"No. I'm fine." He shook off his hands from your shoulders.
"Goodnight, brother." You lay back down, back toward him, and wrapped your arms around your stomach.
Some days, you felt everything at once.
On others, you felt nothing at all.
Life became survival--blinking, breathing, eating, sleeping. You slipped Tuk your leftover berries and endured lessons with Ao'nug and pretended to feel at home despite this impossible weight on your shoulders, these mountains you hauled. The pressure was crippling, overwhelming, but you fooled everyone. You deceived them with unnerving composure, even as hell reigned inside, drowning you alive.
Ao'nug told you to breathe; he told you to concentrate, the two of you cross-legged on the sandy beach, the tide ebbing.
You called him a skxawng.
He would look at you too long, smirk a bit, and refrain from saying something prodding at his tongue.
Ao'nug rambled on and on about the way of the water, about this spiritual connection you couldn't quite understand. Sometimes, when you looked out at the horizon, you had the fleeting urge to run, to chase the sun, and never look back.
One night, you did. Or, at least, you tried.
A storm had blown in, rain pelting down, thunder cracking. The waters were rough, splashing mercilessly against the boardwalk.
Your family was asleep. Tuk clung to Neytiri, fearing the thunderstorm.
The wind howled so loudly that they didn't hear you rise up. You moved stealthily, creeping over their sprawled limbs and curled tails, careful not to nudge them.
When you emerged from the Marui pod, rain soaked your skin. It poured so heavily and thickly that you couldn't see more than three feet in front of you. You lowered down to your hands and knees, maneuvering by touch, feeling your way to the edge of the boardwalk.
Even amid a storm, the bioluminescent water glowed, golden fish swimming around.
Lightning struck from the clouds, brightening the sky in whiteness.
Something in the ocean's depths called out to you, extending a chilling hand.
You carefully submerged in the warm water. It rose to your ankles, knees, waist, ribs, and throat. Your grip on the ledge loosened. You didn't bother filling your lungs with air.
You couldn't hear the thunder underwater. You couldn't hear anything. The weight of your body sank you farther and farther from the surface, towards the coral and seaweed. You looked up, seeing the ripples as rain fell and white flashes as lightning struck.
Your chest began to tighten, but you didn't fight against it. When air bubbles escaped your mouth, you didn't swim back up.
You didn't know what was possessing you. Only Lo'ak acting this recklessly, this foolishly. But you closed your eyes nonetheless.
Here, at the bottom of the ocean, there were no demons. No whispers, no jeers, no stares. Here there was nobody, and you took comfort in that loneliness.
The pressure against your chest was dizzying. Your lungs burned, your skin felt raw.
Just a little bit longer...
The first involuntary breath caused your body to jerk, cramping your stomach. The water forced through your sealed lips, flooded your mouth, and dragged down your throat.
Your body finally hit the ocean floor, sand picking up around you.
Another spasmodic breath of water filled your lungs.
You clawed and grasped your surroundings, but all you held were fistfuls of sand. It felt like your skull might implode, the pressure was too great, too insufferable.
Unable to bear it, you opened your eyes. Grains of sand dirtied the water, floating around in clouds. But somewhere above, somewhere in the spotty distance, you saw a boy.
A boy swimming toward you, his hand extended.
You lifted your arm, reaching out to him...
But then there was silence, a blanket of consuming nothingness.
You understood it then, the way of the water.
"She is just as deadly as she is beautiful."
You were drifting outside yourself, gazing down upon this poor girl, limp and motionless, with braids and gangly limbs you didn't even recognize.
Take me away... Take me far, far away...
You felt so many hands, so many fingers dragging you away. You felt so light, so peaceful, lost in a fog--until your face broke through the water's surface and raging sound bombarded your ears.
"DAD!" someone cried out. "LO'AK! MOTHER! SOMEBODY, PLEASE!"
Arms were holding you tightly, keeping you afloat, but you couldn't move. You felt so distant from reality, consciousness slipping through your fingers.
There was more screaming, more thunder. Someone was calling your name in the distance. Raindrops slid down your cheeks, patting against your closed eyelids.
"Neteyam? NETEYAM?! BOY, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN THE-- oh my god..."
"Dad, she's not waking up!"
"Lift her up! NOW, LIFT HER UP! Careful, watch her head."
More hands gripping you, hauling you out. The water glided down your chest, your legs. You were tossed onto land, limbs sprawled, hair sticking against your skin.
"I-- I saw her wake up and sh--she went outside. I didn't think she would go in the water--"
Someone pressed their ear against your chest, listening to the faintness of your heartbeat. Wet hair was smoothed away from your face.
"Hold her chin up." This voice was deep and commanding.
Your lips were pried apart, mouth filling with rain.
"Breathe into her mouth twice when I stop compressions."
Lips were pressed against yours, two gusts of warm air forced down your windpipe and into your depleted lungs.
There was a hard and fast pressure against your chest, rhythmic beats.
When the pumping stopped, your mouth was parted, chin tilted up.
"C'mon baby girl, c'mon!"
"Breathe, little sister, please breathe."
The fog in your mind began to clear, noises and voices solidifying. Blood flowed steadily through you, returning color to your paled skin. Your fingers twitched in a puddle of cold rainwater.
When the pressure commenced again, you felt a strike of sharp pain, like being slapped awake from a never-ending nightmare.
You gasped, eyes snapping open.
Two shadowy figures hovered above you.
Immediately, you flipped onto your side, throwing up the saltwater swallowed by your lungs. Your body convulsed, but a hand rubbed soothing circles on your back, another holding you steady.
"Oh, great mother, thank you," someone prayed, a voice you vaguely recognized.
You suffered a fit of severe coughs, every crisp breath burning your throat like swallowing fire. Your arms trembled as they struggled to hold you upright, but eventually, you collapsed onto your back, fatigue paralyzing you.
"My baby girl," someone rasped, drawing your head onto their lap. "Open those eyes for me. C'mon, sweetheart, look at me."
You struggled to move, to speak. Your body was so tired, so drained. All you wanted to do was eternally sleep.
"Little sister..." Someone held your hand, squeezed it encouragingly.
Your eyes cracked open, met by the darkness of night.
Jake leaned over, shielding the rain from touching you. "There you are, there's my pretty girl."
You blinked several times, droplets clinging to your lashes. "D-Daddy--" you croaked, sucking in short ragged breaths. Your throat felt blistered and raw--skinned.
"Daddy's here. I'm right here, baby," he reassured, gingerly removing the dark wet strands from your cheeks. Raindrops dripped down his grave face. "I need you to take big breaths for me, okay? Big deep breaths."
Your body began trembling from the shock of almost-drowning, recalling the tearing at your lungs, the heaviness. Panicking, your eyes dodged around, unable to see anything as rain poured, obscuring your surroundings. Neteyam was kneeling at your side, something torturing his eyes.
Jake held the back of your head, turning your face towards him. "Hey, hey, hey. Baby, look at me."
"Breathe," he commanded, resting a calloused hand above your heart. "Breathe for me."
Everything felt suffocating, smothering, but you complied, dragging in a long inhale, your chest rising.
"That's it, good girl," Jake sighed. "Now exhale."
Your chest fell, exhaling slowly.
"Neteyam, go inside and get some blankets for your sister," Jake ordered.
Neteyam didn't move, still fearfully holding onto your hand. He couldn't shake the visions of your lifeless body resting at the bottom of the sea.
"Son, please," Jake begged, more softly. "She's not going anywhere. I got her, go."
Your brother's comforting touch slipped away, leaving your hand barren and cold.
Jake gazed down at you, his expression hardening. Veins pulsed in his neck. "What the hell were you thinking, coming out here alone during a thunderstorm?" he hissed, a tone you had only ever heard him use on your brothers. "You could've died, y/n, you realize that? You scared the living hell out of your brother and me." Jake shook his head, disappointment marring his face.
You couldn't bare the sight of it.
"I do," you whispered, but the confession got lost in the rain. Your lips began to quiver, eyes glistening. "I just couldn't take it anymore."
Jake's brows furrowed, squinting a bit.
Neteyam should've let me drown.
"Take what?" he asked, but you wished he wouldn't. The truth was too ugly, too broken--the shards were too sharp to pick up. But you were already bleeding.
"Everything," you said, blinking back tears. "I just wanted it to stop."
Jake's face fell in horror as he finally understood. He looked back out at the ocean, at its infiniteness. If Neyteam hadn't heard you, if he hadn't been there... Jake imagined waking up to one less child in the Marui; he imagined scrambling to find you, searching for a body on land that was rotting on the abandoned ocean floor. He wondered how long it would have taken for you to be found.
Jake gazed back down at you, his anger dissipating, replaced by dread.
A sob broke past your lips, cleaving through the taut silence. "I'm sorry, Daddy."
You broke down right then and there, head resting on his lap as the rain beat your skin. Jake's face drained of color. His eyes were vacant, unreadable, still processing fragments of the truth. Your small frame trembled as you cried, eyes screwed shut, the rain washing away each tear. When it finally sunk in, a surge of protectiveness caused Jake to cradle you in his arms, holding the back of your head.
You buried your face into his chest, clinging to him desperately.
"Everything's gonna be okay," Jake said, more so to himself, pressing a kiss to your forehead and holding you closer. His jaw clenched tightly. "Just let it out, sweetheart. Let it all out. I'm right here. Daddy's here." Jake rubbed soothing circles on your thigh with his thumb, peppering your head with gentle kisses.
When your sobs turned to hyperventilation, the memory of drowning haunting you, Jake pulled his face back from yours in panic. "Hey hey hey, easy now. Easy." He placed a hand on your chest, nerves spiking when he felt the quick palpitations. You were putting too much stress on your heart that had nearly stopped beating a few moments ago.
You wheezed, breath broken up by gasps and sobs. You squirmed on Jake's lap, writhing feet sliding against the slippery boardwalk, nails biting into your balled fists.
"Baby, look at me. I need you to calm down. Your heart is working too hard." Jake took one of your clenched hands and uncurled the fingers, holding them flat over his chest, above his heart. "Remember what I said about breathing? Big deep breaths, baby. Like this." Jake inhaled deeply, your hand moving as his chest expanded.
Coughing between short strained breaths, you struggled to follow your father's even pace. You grit your teeth, whimpering, shaking your head in frustration. You tried to wriggle out of his iron grip, resisting, but Jake kept your hand firmly against his chest.
"I know, I know, baby," Jake cooed, voice unsteady. You tried and failed to escape, to fight back, but as much as it tortured him to see you suffer, Jake was unyielding, holding you in place. This was for your own good. "I'm sorry, Daddy's so sorry, but I need you to breathe. I can't let you go until I see some deep breaths. Please, baby girl, for me. Do it for me."
Your eyes shimmered as you gazed up at your father, his face distorted by spilling tears.
Jake never took his eyes off you as he slowly inhaled again, relief washing over him when he noticed you attempting to follow along. After a few tempered breaths, your tears subsided, whimpers turning to meek sniffles.
"Good girl, that's it," Jake sighed, softly smiling at your calm appearance. He checked the state of your heart, relieved to find it easing down. "You did so well. I'm so proud of you, baby."
Overworked and exhausted, your eyes began to droop, the tension slacking in your muscles. "Home," you mumbled, unable to stay awake much longer.
Jake caressed your cheek. "Yeah baby, we're goin' home."
Jake scooped you into his arms, carrying you back inside the dry Marui pod where Neteyam had gathered a collection of blankets.
"Ma y/n, oh my daughter!" Neytiri gasped, collapsing to her knees as Jake laid you down. She wrapped a blanket tightly around your shivering body, wiping the rain from your face. Neytiri's eyes sliced toward Jake. "What happened to her?"
Jake stared at you, his heart clenching in woe.
You gulped. "I went into the water," you answered, guilt-ridden. "Mama, I'm sorry..."
Neytiri froze, her hands stilling.
"Your daughter almost drowned," Jake said roughly, something troubling his expression.
You couldn't meet your mother's eyes as she cried out, a sound so guttural you nearly flinched. She held you against her chest, cradling your head like when you were an infant.
You listened to Neytiri's heart as she prayed to Eywa. It was so fast you thought it might burst.
Suddenly, she took your face in her hands. "Don't you ever do that again, child. Don't you ever leave us again!" Neytiri sobbed, pulling you into a stifling hug. "Oh, great mother, protect my daughter. Great mother, protect her..."
Jake gently kissed Neytiri's shoulder, thanking Eywa for your survival in silence.