The wibbly wobbly science of fun

My painting, "Content Kitty," painted in Procreate!

And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins

@moss-wizard of course this isn’t how we serve it!!

It has to be in a dish with much higher sides, so when we go to cut it and it tries to sliiiiiide away it doesn’t escape and blorp blorp blorp across mom’s nice tablecloth

SLICE YOUR CANNED BOGBERRY GOO INTO DISCS BEFORE SERVING, YOU FILTHY HERETICS.

NO. IT WILL BE SERVED IN PROPER CAN SHAPE, AND WILL HAVE ITSELF SCOOPED INTO WEIRD SHAPES THE WAY THE GODS INTENDED

YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, GOD-QUEEN-EMPEROR. AND TAKE YOUR CERVID STALKERS WITH YOU.

It's supposed to be served in can shape with two discs already sliced and laying tastefully in front

I have consulted the scriptures and this is variation is still within the bounds of orthodoxy.

Mash the can shape up. We giving the table what they want, chaos in a dish, with a serving spoon.

Not to derail the escalating heresy, but what do dolphins have to do with cranberry bogs?

cranberry is served in its can shape in the can direction, not on its side but on its cylinder

Right but you guys know that ocean spray also sells like. Cranberries. Which you can use to make an actually edible cranberry sauce on the stovetop in 10 minutes of unattended cook time

actual cranberries? ew no thank you. The unprocessed chunky stuff is GROSS.

Look, in my house, we mix it with whipped cream and freeze it in a graham cracker crust for dessert!

@oft-goes-awry

what the actual fuck?

@somethinginterestingithink

Behold, my grandmother's recipe for Cranberry Surprise:

For the crust, combine 2/3 cup crushed ginger snap crumbs (put them in a large plastic bag and crumble with a rolling pin, or a mug if you don't have one) with 2 T. of sugar. Press into a 9" pie plate.

For the filling, pour a half-pint of regular whipping cream into a bowl, and beat until stiff. Mix in 2 T. of sugar and 1/2 tsp. of almond extract.

In another bowl, take a 14 oz. CHILLED can of jellied cranberry sauce and mash it with a potato masher if you've got one, or a fork if you don't. (My mom bought me a potato masher specifically so I could make this dessert at holidays without having to borrow hers.)

Once the log is goo, fold the cranberry sauce into the whipped cream mix. Yes, it's supposed to be THAT pink.

Pour the pink cream-and-cranberry mix into the crust and freeze for at least 24 hours. Cut and serve immediately upon removal from freezer.

American Horror Food is one of my favorite tumblr post types.

(I make it from real cranberries but if I decide to go with Goo Log, I mash it like the unorthodox godkiller that I am.)

I can only add that I worked in a deep freeze warehouse for a little bit when I was younger. The cranberries would come in loose around Halloween. This big machine would clean, sort, and dump them into 1000 lb wooden bins that would be forklifted and stacked to freeze in the warehouse.

One time, somebody lost control of a bin and broke it open. I would like you to picture a dozen warehouse workers slip sliding around on frozen cranberry ball bearings for hours, trying to clean them up, while you play Yakety Sax in your head. It was a nightmare.

Doesn’t everyone have a special cranberry-from-the-can serving plate and slice-cutting tool! What, are you all just living live Neanderthals?!?!

Oh my ZOD I love that

my brother is a culinary artist. one year he made some amazing cranberry sauce that nobody touched. the next year he made the same sauce, added a thickener, and set it in a ribbed can (he reused a pumpkin can iirc), and it was a hit.

we like the vague can-shaped fruit gelatin. i personally like it even more when it’s home-made.

Ah, in my house we serve this standing up on a plate, and we call it Invisible Can. It is not a holiday dinner without Invisible Can.

What the fuck about the dolphins and spiders, though ? The one reblog which pretended to explain the dolphins just... Didn't ? Help a gal from the other side of the Atlantic

The dolphins are a joke. There are no dolphins in the bog, that was made up for a meme.

The frog, in accordance with the “frogs and cranberries must be fall” meme, is very much a bog denizen.

They probably feed on the spiders, who are very, very real.

Cranberry bog ecosystems are AWESOME.

I'm willing to eat a whole can of cranberry sauce in one sitting, so slicing it is purely optional

Every time this goddamn post comes around again, I am once again forcibly reminded that I’m like the only person that just opens a can of this stuff and eats it straight outta the can with a spoon

Also I have more questions (under the cut)

What do you think is Kaladin's haircare routine?

What length do you think he prefers his hair?

Friends:  Do some D&D art! Me:  Like this? 

I DIDN’T REALIZE THIS WAS A PAINTING

IM GONNA SCREAM, ARE YOU KIDDING ME JHSSLJDHLSDHFJGKSJ

i don't know the etiquette for posting other peoples tiktoks but the delivery of this punchline hit me like a FUCKING TRUCK please

NikhilClayton <- you should follow this guy on tiktok he's fucking hilarious

Cafés don’t have clocks because they are timeless places

there’s a cafe in my town called time and it has clocks all over the walls, but none of them are the same or the right time, so like, #confirmed

That café is the entry to the faery world sorry I don’t make the rules

“Do not eat or drink fairy food.”

“I know… but have you tried their lattes?”

okay but the whole thing about not accepting fairy food or drink is that they give it to you and you then owe them something for it

so like, if it’s a normal cafe and you pay for your coffee & muffin you’d technically be okay since you paid them

so what I’m saying is, fairies starting coffee shops because it’s actually pretty profitable and more interesting than just waiting for humans to stumble into fairy circles

Some Fair Folk Cafe’s are fine, you go in, pay for your food, and if you leave wanting to go back that’s normal. These guys want you returning, they like humans, want to watch them and interact with them and learn about them.

Some, less so. You feel an urge, an itch under your skin to take more than you paid for. “We can upgrade you for free, if you’d like!” The cashier says. There’s something a little off in her smile. Sharp teeth are uncanny at this angle, you think. You shake your head, refusing politely.

“Samples, take one!” The person stocking the cabinet says, holding out a plate of small pieces of cake. They don’t say free, they don’t say what they cost. You know better than to take them at the implied meaning. Fair Folk don’t do ‘implied’.

“Im alright, I just ate,” you reply gracefully. The smile fades, sharp teeth hidden, before it widens again.

“Next time then,” they say, and you feel the promise brushing over your skin.

“Maybe,” you reply, still smiling. You know better than to agree with one of the Fair Folk. Words have weight after all, and none more than the echo of a promise to one of The People.

stealing Marlynn’s tags

#I can imagine this existing in an urban fantasy#where it’s a point of contention among the locals#everyone knows what it is#but the local laws allow it#so everybody is careful#and tourists go missing with alarming frequency

@pontipines tagged me to make a poll of [some of] my favourite fictional women! With YOUR help we can choose

tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!!

Ody, for @poisonghoulart , for the Potluck Secret Satan 2024! I saw the character and I inmediately knew what did I have to draw- And it was a great chance to experiment with a bit of a tarot / art nouveau vibe AND go back to my comfort palette.

Ody is a wonderful Warforged Cleric and (as far as I know) is up to some space travel shenanigans!

I had a dream that I witnessed something so funny that I needed to draw a comic about it, but nobody in the dream wanted to have a look at the comic or read it. I don't remember anything else about the dream but I needed to draw the comic and show y'all what it was.

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

I have never heard of this band. I AM in fact referring to the animal.

But wait, there’s more!

Concept I've been stewing on for a while here. I've got a name for it now and I'm calling it the Shot Dog Factor. It's a numerical value, assignable to any internet post, which represents the average number of engagements it needs to reach before someone comes along acting like this post shot their dog.

And for the sake of High Number = More Danger, which feels like the intuitive and sensible read, let's call it the inverse. As in the chance that any given interaction results in a Shot Dog response.

"Hee hee haa haa" type of silly shitpost? Low Shot Dog Factor. Largely safe. A genuine political opinion? Critically high Shot Dog Factor. Guaranteed to elicit such a response if it breaks containment.

As a result of this phenomenon, you see phrasings and circumventions added specifically to lower the Shot Dog factor. Every "now I know this doesn't apply to EVERYONE'S specific situation, but I just think--" about something where the non-specificity was obvious, but OP needed to add that disclaimer to avoid the Shot Dog from someone who thinks it needs to apply to them.

And another--perhaps the most--critical thing to understand about the Shot Dog factor is that 0 is not a valid value. There's a discontinuation at 0. And as such, the Shot Dog limit, as engagement goes to infinity is, in fact, 100%. Any and every post you have ever made, given enough containment breaching, WILL piss someone off in wild ways. You can lower the Shot Dog factor but it is never 0. Sometimes when a post of yours escapes containment, you must simply sit back and accept this reality.

#op the fact that you called it this. has skyrocketed the shot dog factor for this one astronomically. im so sorry (via @mecharose)

Thank you yeah no that was part of the vision

#how many shot dogs does this post have i wonder (via @ergontropy)

Currently 1 but we're still early in the week.

An early Halloween cartoon for Guardian Books

What I legit thought the punchline was gonna be.

but what if

Read enough stories featuring characters who very notably wear glasses, and you start to notice certain trends in romantic scenes.