the funniest and most tragic moment in steven universe is the scene that implies that Pearl pulls bitches like a professional dog walker but doesn't know how phones work so her place on earth is being a life-changing futch fling for every dyke on the east coast there's probably a gay bar in maryland where they talk about the twiggy bird chick that eats milf pussy like it's the last edible thing on earth and they dont even know about the city full of thousand year old neon lesbian amazons who are pent up 24/7 from The War and leaving room for jesus cause they're always hanging out with their softboy nephew who might be the second coming of christ

God I love Ohio this gas pump has a teeny tiny little screen on it and all it does is show teeny tiny little bible verses on it and boy they’re the ominous ones

A gas station pump telling you you’re a tresspasser in gods territory is like. American Gothic Satire.

IN THE DARK TIMES, WILL THERE ALSO BE SINGING?

from Lady Chatterley's Lover, D.H. Lawrence (via)

from How Beautiful the Beloved, Gregory Orr (via)

Lev St. Valentine (via)

letter to Gustave Flaubert, 27 June 1870, George Sand

from Collected Poems; Horses at Midnight Without a Moon, Jack Gilbert (via)

from On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong (via)

Snow and Dirty Rain, Richard Siken (via)

YES, THERE WILL ALSO BE SINGING. ABOUT THE DARK TIMES.

my friends held an intervention for me to "stop asking intimidately specific questions". i tried to explain that i am just a good listener but there is apparently "a line between follow-up questions during small talk and interrogation tactics that gets crossed sometimes". turns out my curious nature is "scaring the hoes"

when i asked for examples i was told that "do you think your tendency to show appreciation through restoration is part of a greater life philosophy or is that coincidental?" and "is your communication with allied forces satellite or radar based and is it vurnerable to cyber attacks?" are apparently "inappropriate questions to ask someone you just met at a club". but i disagree. as if you wouldn't be a little bit curious about the answer? yeah that's what i thought

[ID: question by anonymous: did they answer the question though ///end ID]

the navy officer i asked about cyber attacks did answer my question very thoroughly. he also answered other questions such as "when refueling on sea, which boat is the primary course holder?" and "would switching to another government branch affect your retirement benefits?" and generally provided a lot of information over the course of a fascinating hour that as a former government employee myself i am pretty sure he should not have told me. but i also think he would have told me his social security number if i asked nicely (i didn't, I was busy learning about the tactical advantages of speedboats).

the guy obsessed with boat refurbishment that i asked about his tendency towards preservation gave me a really haunted look, said "holy fuck" and then after a moment of consideration "i think i am too drunk. i'm going home" and proceeded to leave. in my defense, it was well and truly meant as genuine curiosity and not as the attempt at psychological warfare it turned out to be. he unfortunately did not answer my question.

...he was also the catalyst for the intervention i received.

OP your friends are 100% wrong and “that person at the bar who asks you the question that makes you rethink your whole life because they Actually Listened” is a long, storied and honourable place in the pantheon of strangers you will meet. Sounds like you’re doing a bang up job, well done.

it’s almost that time of the year again, so you know what that means

noncon friendship

Coworkers

I love saying “of course” instead of “you’re welcome,” like of course I’m helping you that’s what I do, you were foolish to even consider an alternate dimension in which I’m not helping you. you idiot. you absolute buffoon.

why would you like media that is good if you can like media that is bad instead and pace around your room like an insane person thinking about What If It Was Good

asking people to be mindful of others when sharing a communal space (especially one you cannot just up and leave from) is not selfish or misanthropic. come on now

yeah

And there is a vast yawning chasm of difference between Weird & Unusual and Fucking Inconsiderate.

stimming, talking to yourself, being a bit smelly: unusual, uncontrollable, literally just a fact of being a person in public

playing tiktoks on your phone at full volume with no headphones: shit-head behaviour

middle aged lady on my bus just called someone's partner "your whimsical idiot boyfriend" over the phone . with sincere frustration might I add

I dropped a jar of activated charcoal earlier today resulting in a face full of fine black dust that bomfed up around me in a comical fashion like a cartoon character getting covered in dust when they snap shut a dusty tome.

Which is fine, whatever. Cleaned it up. No real harm done.

Unfortunately, the brain fog means I keep forgetting this happened and almost have a heart attack every time I blow my nose.

Joy, one time at work I made a batch of powdered beets. This was for a restaurant competition, and the powdered beets would have been used as part of a decorative foam, except there was a change of judge and we were all aware the replacement Did Not Like pretentious decoration that did nothing to add to the flavour of the plate. Whatever, I really hadn't been looking forward to perfectly timing when all the specials left the kitchen so the foam would look perfect on every plate that went out. But we did have a lot of powdered beets. Now. Given the post I am responding to, you doubtless can guess what happened at some point. To be precise, I believe someone placed it on a high shelf and at some point the entire container dumped all over me. Everytime I blew my nose? Disturbingly red. Everytime I sweat? Red. In the immediate aftermath when I was crying because powder in my eyes? Red tears. Not blood red, but like, Too Bright To Be Blood Red, which was somehow worse. Over the course of my shift, I completely forget about this. By the time I get home, all of the obvious be-reddening has stopped. I toss on fresh clothes, and I head over to my sword club, where we're studying some HEMA longsword techniques. Now, imagine someone taking off their armour after you've been hitting them with a dull steel sword for an hour as part of drills, and the armpits of their white t-shirt are red, and where the cloth of the shirt was pressed against my body, say, where a sword struck it, it's now red. My arms had little smears of red. And just to really sell it, one of my fingers was actually just bleeding where the fingernail had gotten smashed. I damn near gave everyone a heart attack :)

yesterday I told a friend "drown your sorrows tonight but save one bottle to make a molotov tomorrow" and I'm actually very proud of that. might embroider it on a pillow

@theshitpostcalligrapher

yep

hey man i'm going on vacation for 86 yoctoseconds can you watch my pet hydrogen-5 isotope while i'm gone