greetings dead ones

no i don’t have an “astigmatism” i can just see the halos of the angels that live in car head lights that you losers are too spiritually closed off to see

A reminder: if you were taught that mosquitoes in general are useless to the environment and could be eliminated “without consequence”, then you were taught incorrectly. People still regularly comment this silly notion on my posts with absolute confidence. Our goal is reducing risk to humans, NOT eliminating the dangerous animal altogether.

You don’t have to like irritating, gross, or dangerous animals (most people do not), but if you are ever arguing for the extinction of an entire animal species try to remember the natural world is unfathomably complex in ways none of us can predict.

MONKEY MAN (2024)

my white ass is not immune to the nostalgia of viva la vida by coldplay

me when viva la vida comes on

Ok😀

fill my bed put some liquor in it

“How’s life?”

Me:

The mammalian desire to stand at the edge of the ocean.

in tears rn

every so often this starts circulating again and every time i remember that people tried to come for me for “spreading medical misinformation” with this post

THIS IS THE CUTEST SHIT IVE EVER SEENNNN

@is-the-primate-vid-cute

Cute!

This orangutan had lots of fun with the sunglasses and the zookeepers managed to get her to trade the sunglasses for some leafy greens when she was done with them. Items like this are not ideal in primate enclosures because they can break and/or ingest pieces, so the orangutan got to have her fun and (not) eat it too.

my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old

Op this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

op how could you just hide this from me in the tag this makes this objectively 10000000% funnier

50 First Doses

You trick Louis? You trick Louis like a common fool? Oh jail, jail for owners ONE MILLION YE-oh what’s this? A treat?

I love when you see someone reblogging a text post multiple times because you don’t know if tumblr glitched on their end or if the post, “who else up garging they goyle” really fucking resonated with them and they just had to rb that mf 4x

hi its nice to meet you :) (uses my ability to implant memories of us being childhood friends into your subconscious so you already like me) i mean hey its been so long howve you been hows your mom (remembers your mom died when you were very young and i had implanted memories of comforting you at the funeral) uhhh i mean your other mom (implants memories of your dad transitioning)

I don't know why but I felt the need to edit them so it looked like they're lined up for execution by duck foot pistol

It’s nice that you let them have cigarettes

i think a lot of liberals need to confront the fact that they don’t actually believe everyone should have basic human rights. a homeless person could call me every slur under the sun and i would still want them to have housing, food, etc. the belief that everyone is entitled to basic human rights should not hinge on whether you “like” someone or not. at that point the entire ideology crumbles.

Bro I fucking love the DB Cooper case nothing about this whole situation sounds real. None of the passengers on the plane realized they were being hijacked until the plane landed two hours after it was supposed to and the fbi showed up with suitcases full of money. The note about the bomb almost went unnoticed because the flight attendant thought she was being sexually harassed so she didn't read it. One of the main suspects was the first trans woman in Washington to have a sex change operation. A reporter who was so dead set on his suspect that he brought him to court was so upset about being wrong that he went catatonic and was treated with electroshock therapy and it WORKED. There's been multiple "I'm DB Cooper" death confessions. He never even SAID his name was DB Cooper. Either he got away with a million bucks in today's money and the most iconic and harmless crime American history or he impaled himself on a pine tree while falling a zillion miles an hour in the dark while clutching duffel bags full of cash and either option is equally hilarious. He wore a clip on tie. He committed an act of sky piracy. What in the fucking looney toons