Eileithyia: You’re mean!
Ares: You’re meaner!
Eileithyia: Yeah, well, you’re ugly too!
Ares: You’re uglier!
Eileithyia: You’re a dumbass!
Ares: You’re a dumberass!
Eileithyia: You think “dumberass” is a good insult!?
tell me if there are any gods I missed
#why am i doing this#because I'm fucking bored#thanatos#hestia#aphrodite#persephone#zeus#ares#eros#apollo#eileithyia#poseidon#hebe#artemis#hypnos#enyo#hermes#dionysus#hephaestus#eris#hera#athena#hades#demeter#greek gods#greek mythology#incorrect greek gods#incorrect greek god quotes#incorrect greek mythology#incorrect greek quotes
Hebe: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!
Eris: You can eat a rock.
Hephaestus: Air.
Ares: The fabric of time and space.
Enyo: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.
Eileithyia: ....
Hebe: You guys are not helpful.
Anonymous asked:
What do you think the order of Zeus kids are? Like what order they were born?
Eileithyia
Persephone
Ares - Enyo - Eris
Artemis - Apollo
Athena (still in Zeus' head but you know)
Hephaestus
Hermes
Hebe
Dionysus
*Zeus and Hera in the hospital getting an ultrasound*
Zeus: IS SHE OK DID WE LOSE THE BABY!???
Eileithyia: Oh. On the contrary!
Zeus: Well why is she bleeding then!?
Eileithyia: Okay, So we got your labs back. Your estrogen, progesterone and HGH are through the roof! Which would explain the spotting.
Hera: *Confused*
Eileithyia: Alright, we'll take a look here.
Elieithyia: Spotting, Very common with implantation of multiple fetuses.
Zeus: Fetu- whues?
Hera: Multiple?
Eileithyia: Yeah, take a look!
Zeus and Hera: *looks*
Hera: Two babies?
Eileithyia: Mhhhh- Nope! Three!
Hera: *in shock*
Zeus: *also in shock*
Eileithyia,*happy to be a big sister*: Congratulations!
Hera: THREE!?
Eileithyia: ...I take it from your reaction you weren't planning this?
Hera: PLANNING THIS?? WHO THE FUCK PLANS THREE BABYS?!?
Eileithyia: You need to make an appointment soon as possible with your OB.
Hera: OB? I need to make an appointment with the vet I'm having a damn litter!
Zeus: Babe, you know what this means?
Hera: ...?
Zeus: I got a magic dick.
Hera: ....
Eileithyia,*handing her some forms*: Take these forms up to the desk on your way out. And.... Good luck! *Walks away*
Zeus: I don't know whether to freak out or shove my almighty dick in everyone's face!
Hera: You need to be freaking out! I'M HAVING TRIPLETS!
Zeus: Triplets!!!!
Zeus,*jumping around*: TRIPLETS!!!!!!!
Zeus: I got a magic penis man!
Zeus: I GOT A MAGIC PENIS!!
Hera: Oh my gods....
Zeus: WOOOO HOOO-
Hera, *about Eris*: Eileithyia, She's an asshole! she has purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!
Eris: Some of those stabbings were accidental!
Hera: ...
Eileithyia: ...
Eris: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.
Anonymous asked:
Can you rank ZEUS'S children from favorite to least(without the whole Athena wearing the helmet thing)I apologize if this annoys you.
It's not annoying
Athena
Hebe
Artemis
Eileiythia
Persephone
Apollo
Dionysus
Hephaestus
Hermes
Ares
Enyo
Eris
I feel like I've done this before but meh! Tell me if I missed any!
*if Hera's house caught on fire*
Hera: AH-
Hera,*running into Ares' room: ARES! WAKE UP! WE GOTTA GO!
Hera,*running to Hebe and Eileithyia's rooms*: HEBE! EILEITHYIA! COME ON WE GOTTA GO!
Hera,*running to Hephestus' room*: Heph can you drag the trash to the curb tomorrow before 9 we won't be here.
Ares: ha! you'll never beat us!
Hebe: YEAH YOU FUCKHEAD!!
Her siblings: *visibly shaken*
Enyo: whoa, Hebe, that's going a little bit overboard-
Hebe,*grinning manically*: EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!
Eileithyia,*covering hebe's mouth*: HEBE?!
Hebe: fuck-
Eileithyia: hey! watch your fucking language, BITCH!
Eileithyia,*shining a flashlight under a dark bed.: Are you ready to come out yet and socialize with people, darling?
Eris: *screeching*
Eileithyia: Understandable, have a good day.
Eileithyia: I like sensitive people.
Eris: *starts fucking sobbing*
Eileithyia, *writing in her diary with a glitter gel pen*: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.
Hebe: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Eileithyia: *crouches down*
Eris: *kneels down*
Ares: *sits on the floor*
Hebe: ...
Hebe: Oh, go die in fucking hole.